3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
