in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
