Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
