she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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