Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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