Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
