we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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