why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PS: I just woke up from my shower
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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