It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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