So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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