I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
