R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
