Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
