YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im six kinds of drunk right now
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
