i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
