So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
