Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
