Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
