yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
handjob tips. give me some.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
