It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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