You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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