I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
