My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
