youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
