I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
