The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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