Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He passed out mid-signature
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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