I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
