Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
