You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
