onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
