did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
