I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
