if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
