I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize