I look better un-naked...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
