Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
