I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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