his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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