I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ttyl tear gas
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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