She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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