I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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