He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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