Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
