it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
