The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
