she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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