Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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