just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
