i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
