I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
