She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
