I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
