Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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