We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
