we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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