i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
