So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
