Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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