do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
