okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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