Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
