i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
