Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
