Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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