John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
