What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
