Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
