No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
