You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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