Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
