I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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