Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
