I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
