if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
