that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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