Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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