When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drake has all the answers
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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