Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
