....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
