I wish life had little blips of pornography
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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