remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
